Hi y’all, firstly this is quite a long post and it
might be difficult to go through (or boring) so if you want to skip to the
second part of the post where I talk about some of the plans I have for the
blog then just scroll down to the picture of the Beholder and you’ll be at the
fun part. Remember you can do this at any time during the post…
So, it's been four and a half years since my last post (my
lil' tester aside), and it's probably reasonable to ask what the hell happened
and what has prompted the return? That's pretty fair, and I’m also sure my
regular readers of this blog (when I had regular readers, that is ;-P) can
guess the first part... Of course, there will be some that are not that
bothered and just want to see the hobby stuff and believe me we will get to
some of the great stuff that I've been up to, hobby-wise, in that time,
and there is loads of awesome content (imho) coming (remember – beholder). But
first I do want to explain, not in great detail but some of the reasons why I
just upped and disappeared, if that’s not for you that's fine, I’ll catch you
on the next post will just be pure hobby.
Like everything I guess, it was a series of events rather
than a single turning point. **cue wobbly screen, and dreamy look into the
dim past**
My last post was in January 2020, I was posting
semi-regularly, gushing about Blood Bowl and Bushido and posting my ATZ English
adventure and really loving my gaming. I had just qualified as a paramedic
after 3 years of study and working as an EMT, so thought I could relax a bit
and just go to work… BOOM! events, completely unrelated came along and turned everything
on its head, in totally different ways and at totally different scale but all
contributing.
The first was the passing of our good friend and fellow
blogger Bryan “Vampifan” Scott. Bryan was/is a legend among wargaming bloggers,
he inspired so many with his excellent knowledge of miniature ranges, his
enthusiasm for wargaming, his brilliant ATZ bat reps and of course his generosity
with both his praise and warm comments about his fellow bloggers work and literally,
with him sending little packages of minis/terrain/accessories to his friends. So
much of my own blog was inspired by Bryan and his blogs. When Vampi died, so
did my enthusiasm for zombie wargaming and to be fair a few other systems. I
missed my friend and his kind words. Not an earth-shattering reason, but it was
important to me, and I still miss his kindness even now. Of course, with a
little bit of time to grieve, we could have moved on, and I’d have got on with
blogging. Loads of my awesome blogging chums did and a lot of them missed the
old boy as much as I did. However, 2020 is a bit of an infamous year for some
ACTUAL earth-shattering reason…
Covid-19 was quite literally life changing for so many
people, so many and in so many different ways and it’s not something I’m going
to analyse in minutiae. I’m going to say how it affected me at the time and why
that’s important for me to verbalise after so much time (if you don’t want to
indulge me in my therapy then again please skip to the bottom of the post, with
no ill will from me, where I talk about
the plan or wait until the next post which will be pure hobby, I promise you). Now, I’m really going to try to avoid being divisive
and will really try to avoid politics and all of the silly conspiracy stuff
that surrounded the pandemic so please bear with me, but sometimes its unavoidable and
pertinent.
As a frontline paramedic, I literally was the tip of the spear when
it came to dealing with the awfulness of the covid pandemic in the UK (the overtime
was incredible but unfortunately so necessary as my fellow paramedics were
dropping like flies to the virus, due to the well documented failures of our
leaders). Day after day seeing hundreds of patients – 90% of whom had covid to
one extent or another i.enthe mildly unwell to the fatal (everyone else who would normally call us for the silly
things that they call for – i.e. stuff they should see their
GP/pharmacist/mother for, kept quiet for a change). Hard decisions had to be
taken at the grass roots level as to resource management, how to get to those
people that we really needed to, how to keep people away from the hospitals which
were falling down, how to keep people safe, how to keep communities safe, and even harder decisions such as who couldn't be saved, and that took a toll. Everyday - go to work, put in 12-14 hours, decon shower before
going home and eating a quick dinner before falling asleep and then get up
early doors and back to work rinse, repeat over and over again. My whole family
works healthcare – wife in primary care, son is an EMT at my ambulance station,
my daughter was a carer for complex patients, all of us exposed to the virus. I
don’t say this to garner some kind of sympathy or praise as I know we are not
unique and other families had it a lot, lot worse, but to give you an idea of
the level of worry and stress that left me very little bandwidth to give to the
hobby. Thankfully we all managed to get through it, something that I’m so grateful
for. That said, I caught covid late in the Delta variant (after dodging it for
so long) and it damn near hospitalised me, I have never felt so ill in my life….
Still with me? Good, not too far now.
As you can imagine when covid started to recede leaving us
all drained and mourning, there was quite a number of us beaten down into a pulp
– exhausted, burnt out, vulnerable. It would only take a small push to knock
the stuffing out of us , which of course it did and thanks to a couple of bad
callouts at work and some personal bereavements, that was it for me I tapped
out and had to go off work, walking out in the middle of my shift and going
home where I stayed for over 2 months – burnt out, suffering from PTSD and
generally in a bad place. I’m not gonna dwell on this part of the story as it
was a bit of a dark time and thankfully with the support of my awesome family I’ve
come through it, more aware at how vulnerable we all are to MH problems. I am
better, much better in fact, although it has left a few scars.
Phew! Thank goodness that bit is done, too dark for a
wargaming blog for sure and for those who have stuck with me through that –
well done and thank you. Now as bad as all that has been, it doesn’t cover 4.5
years and that is true, and thankfully the rest of the time that I’ve been away
has most certainly not been dark at all – hard? Yes, challenging? sure, but not
dark. For the last 3 years I’ve been determined to up my paramedic game, be the
best clinician I can be, help people in the best way that I can manage. So I went
back to university (while working full time…d’oh) and took my Masters degree,
studying Advanced Clinical Practice and I’m so happy to say that this summer I
graduated from St George’s University London (one of the most prestigious medical
schools in the world). To say I’m proud of my achievements is an understatement
– at 50 years old I never thought I’d even be studying, let alone passing a
degree at any level.
So the saga ends on a good note, sprinkle in the arrival of
my first grandchildren and the return of gaming to my life and it has become a
bit more balanced and I’m certainly in a better place, giving me some mental
band-width to play games and finally blog about them. I’ve even added a new
hobby to squeeze my free time even more – wood working! Yeah I know, middle age
here I am…lol but I really enjoy it and it has certainly helped me with my gaming
as you’ll come to see in future posts. Where do I find the time, you may ask
(or not) well I have also gone part time, just one dropped shift but with my enhanced
skills/role it’s quality over quantity and I feel so much better because of it.
Anyhoo, time for the beholder pics, a commission I recently completed for a colleague….
So, what is the future for da Grotto?
1. play more games. Obvious I know but I need to
play the games before I can post about them, right?
2.
Continue the ATZ English adventure, it was just
getting good, and I think its definitely something that Bryan would have
wanted.
3.
Show you some of the projects I got up to as I
was recovering and to date.
4.
Showcase some of the cool stuff that is out
there
5.
Just have some fun! I’m gonna try not to get too
bent out of shape for missing posting days or posting too much stuff and just
have at it. There will be a posting day, probably a Friday but if something
comes up, so be it.
My apologies for the extremely long post and from now on it
will be hobby related, never fear!!
dGG aka Andy
