so... what the h*ll happened and what happens next

 Hi y’all, firstly this is quite a long post and it might be difficult to go through (or boring) so if you want to skip to the second part of the post where I talk about some of the plans I have for the blog then just scroll down to the picture of the Beholder and you’ll be at the fun part. Remember you can do this at any time during the post…

So, it's been four and a half years since my last post (my lil' tester aside), and it's probably reasonable to ask what the hell happened and what has prompted the return? That's pretty fair, and I’m also sure my regular readers of this blog (when I had regular readers, that is ;-P) can guess the first part... Of course, there will be some that are not that bothered and just want to see the hobby stuff and believe me we will get to some of the great stuff that I've been up to, hobby-wise, in that time, and there is loads of awesome content (imho) coming (remember – beholder). But first I do want to explain, not in great detail but some of the reasons why I just upped and disappeared, if that’s not for you that's fine, I’ll catch you on the next post will just be pure hobby.

Like everything I guess, it was a series of events rather than a single turning point. **cue wobbly screen, and dreamy look into the dim past**

My last post was in January 2020, I was posting semi-regularly, gushing about Blood Bowl and Bushido and posting my ATZ English adventure and really loving my gaming. I had just qualified as a paramedic after 3 years of study and working as an EMT, so thought I could relax a bit and just go to work… BOOM! events, completely unrelated came along and turned everything on its head, in totally different ways and at totally different scale but all contributing.

The first was the passing of our good friend and fellow blogger Bryan “Vampifan” Scott. Bryan was/is a legend among wargaming bloggers, he inspired so many with his excellent knowledge of miniature ranges, his enthusiasm for wargaming, his brilliant ATZ bat reps and of course his generosity with both his praise and warm comments about his fellow bloggers work and literally, with him sending little packages of minis/terrain/accessories to his friends. So much of my own blog was inspired by Bryan and his blogs. When Vampi died, so did my enthusiasm for zombie wargaming and to be fair a few other systems. I missed my friend and his kind words. Not an earth-shattering reason, but it was important to me, and I still miss his kindness even now. Of course, with a little bit of time to grieve, we could have moved on, and I’d have got on with blogging. Loads of my awesome blogging chums did and a lot of them missed the old boy as much as I did. However, 2020 is a bit of an infamous year for some ACTUAL earth-shattering reason…

Covid-19 was quite literally life changing for so many people, so many and in so many different ways and it’s not something I’m going to analyse in minutiae. I’m going to say how it affected me at the time and why that’s important for me to verbalise after so much time (if you don’t want to indulge me in my therapy then again please skip to the bottom of the post, with no ill will from me,  where I talk about the plan or wait until the next post which will be pure hobby, I promise you).  Now, I’m really going to try to avoid being divisive and will really try to avoid politics and all of the silly conspiracy stuff that surrounded the pandemic so please bear with me, but sometimes its unavoidable and pertinent. 

As a frontline paramedic, I literally was the tip of the spear when it came to dealing with the awfulness of the covid pandemic in the UK (the overtime was incredible but unfortunately so necessary as my fellow paramedics were dropping like flies to the virus, due to the well documented failures of our leaders). Day after day seeing hundreds of patients – 90% of whom had covid to one extent or another i.enthe mildly unwell to the fatal (everyone else who would normally call us for the silly things that they call for – i.e. stuff they should see their GP/pharmacist/mother for, kept quiet for a change). Hard decisions had to be taken at the grass roots level as to resource management, how to get to those people that we really needed to, how to keep people away from the hospitals which were falling down, how to keep people safe, how to keep communities safe, and even harder decisions such as who couldn't be saved, and that took a toll. Everyday - go to work, put in 12-14 hours, decon shower before going home and eating a quick dinner before falling asleep and then get up early doors and back to work rinse, repeat over and over again. My whole family works healthcare – wife in primary care, son is an EMT at my ambulance station, my daughter was a carer for complex patients, all of us exposed to the virus. I don’t say this to garner some kind of sympathy or praise as I know we are not unique and other families had it a lot, lot worse, but to give you an idea of the level of worry and stress that left me very little bandwidth to give to the hobby. Thankfully we all managed to get through it, something that I’m so grateful for. That said, I caught covid late in the Delta variant (after dodging it for so long) and it damn near hospitalised me, I have never felt so ill in my life….

Still with me? Good, not too far now.

As you can imagine when covid started to recede leaving us all drained and mourning, there was quite a number of us beaten down into a pulp – exhausted, burnt out, vulnerable. It would only take a small push to knock the stuffing out of us , which of course it did and thanks to a couple of bad callouts at work and some personal bereavements, that was it for me I tapped out and had to go off work, walking out in the middle of my shift and going home where I stayed for over 2 months – burnt out, suffering from PTSD and generally in a bad place. I’m not gonna dwell on this part of the story as it was a bit of a dark time and thankfully with the support of my awesome family I’ve come through it, more aware at how vulnerable we all are to MH problems. I am better, much better in fact, although it has left a few scars.

Phew! Thank goodness that bit is done, too dark for a wargaming blog for sure and for those who have stuck with me through that – well done and thank you. Now as bad as all that has been, it doesn’t cover 4.5 years and that is true, and thankfully the rest of the time that I’ve been away has most certainly not been dark at all – hard? Yes, challenging? sure, but not dark. For the last 3 years I’ve been determined to up my paramedic game, be the best clinician I can be, help people in the best way that I can manage. So I went back to university (while working full time…d’oh) and took my Masters degree, studying Advanced Clinical Practice and I’m so happy to say that this summer I graduated from St George’s University London (one of the most prestigious medical schools in the world). To say I’m proud of my achievements is an understatement – at 50 years old I never thought I’d even be studying, let alone passing a degree at any level.

So the saga ends on a good note, sprinkle in the arrival of my first grandchildren and the return of gaming to my life and it has become a bit more balanced and I’m certainly in a better place, giving me some mental band-width to play games and finally blog about them. I’ve even added a new hobby to squeeze my free time even more – wood working! Yeah I know, middle age here I am…lol but I really enjoy it and it has certainly helped me with my gaming as you’ll come to see in future posts. Where do I find the time, you may ask (or not) well I have also gone part time, just one dropped shift but with my enhanced skills/role it’s quality over quantity and I feel so much better because of it. Anyhoo, time for the beholder pics, a commission I recently completed for a colleague….

 

So, what is the future for da Grotto?      

1. play more games. Obvious I know but I need to play the games before I can post about them, right?

2.        Continue the ATZ English adventure, it was just getting good, and I think its definitely something that Bryan would have wanted.

3.        Show you some of the projects I got up to as I was recovering and to date.

4.        Showcase some of the cool stuff that is out there

5.        Just have some fun! I’m gonna try not to get too bent out of shape for missing posting days or posting too much stuff and just have at it. There will be a posting day, probably a Friday but if something comes up, so be it.

My apologies for the extremely long post and from now on it will be hobby related, never fear!!

dGG aka Andy